If you’ve never had a dead-end, frustrating argument with your spouse, then you:
- Got married last week, or
- You married a door.
Doors do what they’re told, most of the time, except when you buy a house in which some of the doors make their own decisions … like my house.
One of my doors is a surfer who’s on vacation during the summer. Try closing him, and he won’t budge an inch. Once the weather gets cold, he goes back to work.
I have another door who only likes to close all the way during the summer; during the winter he’s on vacation. He must be out skiing, or something.
These doors really do have minds of their own. No matter how badly I want them to close, no matter how hard I push, if they’re not in the mood, they do not budge.
At first this was mind-numbingly frustrating. Now it’s kind of a sad joke between my wife and I. One day we’ll get them fixed.
If I were to try shoulder-blocking one of these doors past its sticking point, I’d probably break something. Then my wife would be madder at me than she is already for having these ridiculous doors in the first place.
But I digress. Assuming that your doors actually listen to you, there is never a valid reason to get angry with a door.
Your spouse, on the other hand is never going to agree with, or listen to, everything you say. That would not be healthy.
Naturally this leads to arguments, and sometimes you just want them to see your point so badly that your blood boils.
As soon as this feeling occurs I ask you to try to remember that:
Your spouse is not a door.
Hopefully my little anecdote will help you remember that your spouse is not a door; they are a person. You cannot convince a person of anything by shouting at them.
The only way to ‘get them to see what you want them to see’, strangely, is to listen. Not to speak.
Until they feel that you truly have heard and understood exactly where they stand on the matter, nothing you say matters. Not one word.
So I hope you can take a moment, remember that you’re lucky not to have doors that are alive, that you’re blessed to have a spouse that is alive, and listen to them, and maybe avoid lots of those little arguments that do take their toll over time … if you let them.